A Black Widow's Story

An entry from my journal:

I look for a black widow everyday under the drinking fountain. If it's there I crouch down and watch it, sitting there, waiting, shifting slightly on occasion. Everyday, I notice its web growing more complex, more intricate under the drinking fountain between the outlet and the wall.

I could kill it. I could intercede and end its life immeditely for fear of my life. Or I could wait; I could let it live. Watch it everyday and see how it grows.

Like a freshly planted flower, I must do my part in watering it and providing sufficient sunlight, but after that I must wait. I must let it grow. I can't force it to grow. I can't make it grow any faster then it would, I must watch it. Provide my part and watch.

It's hard for me to do. Immediately, I want to kill the spider -- protect myself. Immediately, I want to see a massive beautiful flower -- the fruits of my labor. But that's not how it works. I must leave myself open to attack, do my part, and wait. Nothing will happen the way I want it to, so why force the hand.

Two good friends once told me this, sometimes we try so hard to create the image we want to see that we don't let God do His work.

Prayer Requests:
- Continuous prayer for support. My support has only inched closer since my last post.
- Energy and the drive to learn during these long days of training.

Blogs to Come:
- Why desperate distractions?
- How did I come to Budapest?