This drive is something I want to question. Is efficiency really what it is all about? Is perfection something that should be reached?
Today marks one month of living in Budapest, Hungary, so I'd like to try and share the insights that I have had this month.
I began writing this entry while listening to music, and the first song that played was "Snails" by The Format. I admit that this song is about being too quick to kiss, but I want to note another part of the chorus: "Snails see the benefits, the beauty of every inch."
During my month here, I have found that the greatest production is not possible. I came to Budapest expecting to go directly into school related things, -- get my residency permit, fill out paper work, get a tour, talk about the school's expectations, receive a textbook to begin lesson planning -- but that wasn't howt hings were going to work. I got off the plane, met my boss, and asked when I should be at school the next day, and she said, "No need. Just get situated and come in Monday."
"What time Monday?"
"Whenever."
Getting straight into the swing of things, working toward the most efficient production of my time, became sporadic moments at school and unsure feelings of what to do next. Right from the start I wasn't able to be the well-oiled machine that I have been trained to be. (Ok, maybe I've never been well-oiled, but I've been oiled.)
These speed bumps are still occuring. I had to sub one of my classes, meaning I needed to come up with another lesson during a ten minute break. Better yet, I got to a class and found out that my students were already taught, twice over, the information I was given to teach them; this means that I had to come up with a lesson on the spot. More recently, I found out that my first pay check was deposited, so I planned my day knowing that I would finally have money and wouldn't be scraping the bottom of the barrel, only to forget my PIN, freeze my card, and have to get a new PIN (1-3 weeks in the mail).
I am ever thankful for these speed bumps, though. They slow me down and remind me of several things. First, I don't need to be perfect in the things I do. I can and sometimes will have to come up with a lesson plan with very little time. Second, the efficient way is not always the correct way. Third, and building off of a previous post (A Black Widow's Story), sometimes I must let God do his work and be reminded of his amazing beauty. A quote from Jostein Gaarder's The Christmas Mystery helps me understand what I am trying to get across; I hope it does the same for you: "Whenever there's too much of anything, you can stare at it without appreciating it. That's how it's possible to be out under a starry sky and fail to see a single star because of a shower of shooting stars."
These bumps have helped me slow down and see the joys of the small moments -- a three minute conversation with students after class, an extended conversation with a colleague, or even a successful journey to the market without using any English.
These bumps slowing down my American way of efficiency are truly where I have been able to see the beauty of God's work and God's creation. One of these bumps even produced these pictures: (These pictures, in fact, are a perfect example of how sometimes slowing down [freezing time, really] highlights God's beauty.
